Gender Q&A
Gender is confusing! Below are my answers to questions that commonly come up for parents and caregivers looking for some additional clarity.
The below responses are based on my expertise as a parenting coach, as well as my experience as a parent and as someone navigating my own gender. I am not a medical provider or mental health professional.
How do I know if my child is trans?
Children experience gender in all kinds of ways, some of which may leave you feeling confused and uncertain. It is important to remember that this natural part of child development is not evidence of illness or disorder. Children notice gender as infants and spend much of their childhood experimenting with gender through play, toys, clothes, and interacting with their peers and caregivers.
My child is trans, nonbinary, or gender-creative and I want to support them. Is it okay that I feel like I’ve lost my son/daughter?
Yes, of course. When we feel like we’ve lost something, we grieve. It is a natural part of being alive. You should honor your feelings of loss and sadness.
Isn’t my child too young to know about gender?
Research tells us that children understand gender starting at a very early age. Between three and five years old, children start to identify with a particular gender (they develop a “gender identity”), which may or may not change over time. Trans and gender-creative kids need their parents' trust and support.